Dear WiseCat,I finally hooked up with this guy that I have been crushing on for a while now … except the problem is I don’t know how much I should talk to him. I don’t want to be all up in his face and texting/calling/IMing/faxing/paging him every 10 minutes, but I also don’t want to act too aloof and make him think I’m uninterested. What should I do? How much is too much, and what is not enough?Sincerely,Wanting a Sign
Dear Wanting a Sign,I think Carrie from “Sex and the City” said it best: “I’m good at crossword puzzles; I’m not so good at people puzzles.” Life these days seems like a puzzle. What will fit in my schedule? Who will fit with me? Is there a right and a wrong? And most importantly, am I reading this person correctly? Reading a person is one of the hardest things – one of the toughest jobs – for a person. If you want an early relationship to take off it is key to communicate. If a person does not know that you like them, they will not respond. They will shut down and walk away. Other then the fact that you both could just be friends, there is no reason for them to stick around romantically. All too often, women – hell, even men – feel the need to play one of my favorite games. (Now I am being sarcastic, just an FYI.) The “Play Hard to Get Game” is getting overrated! We are not on this earth long enough to play that episode over and over again. We don’t have three million hours out of the day to figure out why someone does not like us or why someone will not run after us. We just don’t. Sometimes we just might have to think of ourselves. Selfish as that might seem, we just might have to. I think I would be in an utter state of shock if we as humans actually said what we meant and stated it at the time of the situation. Enough of me ranting now – on to the actual issue. I say call him this weekend. Don’t text him. Let’s be personal; you know nothing more would piss you off if someone just texted you. Let him know that you want to hang out this weekend. Have a semi-short but meaningful conversation. If you end up talking about the weather, you know it wasn’t meant to be; all conversations that some how land on the topic of weather means that there is nothing left to say. Now, if he does not respond in the way you want him to and has something to do that night, that’s OK. However, if after another invite, he still doesn’t respond in the way you want, I say wait for him to make a move. You don’t want to be over doing it; after all we are not – I repeat not – desperate. In other words, ease into it, enjoy yourself and, most of all, have fun.There is nothing like love. Nothing in the world can make a person feel so good. I think the movie “Steel Magnolias” said it best: “I’d rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.” Believe me, even if this doesn’t work out, at least you had a little bit of wonderful.