Dear Wisecat,I suspect my girlfriend of over a year and a half is cheating on me. Every time I ask her who she is talking to on the phone, it takes her awhile to tell me who it is. Should I confront her about this? Should I go snooping or just take her on her word? To be honest, I’m not so sure I will be able to handle knowing that she was so disinterested in me that she had to go somewhere else to feel loved.Sincerely,Ready and Waiting
Dear Ready and Waiting,In the famous words of Cher Horowitz in the ’90s hit Clueless, “I felt impotent and out of control, which I really, really hate. I had to find sanctuary in a place where I could gather my thoughts and regain my strength.” While Cher makes her way to the mall, we question ourselves. Why does it seem that when your love life falls apart – everything else around you does, too? You get irritated quickly and start breathing heavily. Obsessive compulsion ensues. Why is this? Why do people automatically assume what went wrong? Or what is going on? Did you ever feel like you had an inclination from the beginning? A thought that just never went away in your mind? You never liked being wrong, hell, nobody does. However, you always have to go with your first instinct. After a year and a half, your first inclination is that she is a cheater? A cheater, did you hear that? Nobody likes to be fooled or have the wool pulled over his or her eyes, so be smart. If she won’t tell you who is on the phone right away, that means she is playing games with you, hoping that you will show a jealous side, so she thinks she is still appealing to you. Although there is a flip side: maybe she really doesn’t want to tell you who it is for a reason. Maybe she is lying about who she actually says it is. I don’t mean to sound heartless, but people are not always who they seem to be. However, I tend to think that there really is good deep down inside people, even if you can’t see it all the time. Should you confront her and ask her if she is cheating on you? Sure, why not? But you have to be prepared for the answer. She might put up a defense and say things like “how could you think that” and might even become upset with you. Although, there is a downside as well, she might actually tell you the truth; that this is going on. Either way, you need to be prepared. Get ready for the tears.In the end, whether you ask her or not, whether she says she is or not and whether she actually is cheating on you or not, you were the one who had this thought in the first place. When you feel out of control like Cher did (okay, maybe not exactly like Cher did, but you know what I mean), you have to do something that will help recreate yourself in the end. It’s all about you now. And, if it does come true, and she is cheating on you, all I have to say is, I’m sorry. And that you have five minutes to feel sorry for yourself, then pick yourself up. Search for your inner actor when you leave the security of your room. Everyone is watching after all. Everyone loves to see someone else fall so they can talk. Stay Strong!