Dear WiseCat, I have been very close to my best guy friend for the past couple years, and recently we have had a falling out. What is the deal with people? Is it the whole male sex that just doesn’t understand any relationships? I feel blind sided. Help me!Sincerely,Over It.
Dear Over It,Things just don’t seem to be fitting together do they? Apparently, that’s life, isn’t it? That a friend could be physically there and hear everything you’re saying but not process it and respond appropriately. But why not? Why do they feel the need to play with your emotions, find your weak spot and keep gnawing at it until you break? Over this past break, I learned to put things on the table – more so than ever before. You never know when a person will leave this earth, and knowing that you haven’t said how you felt could be the worst feeling in the world. Show your cards, let others know how you feel, and when you get hurt, don’t shy away from future relationships. Go ahead and find a new best friend, but don’t do it out of hatred. A friend told me that Thanksgiving break is like halftime. Seriously, halftime. Halftime in sporting events serves as time to get it together. If a team or person is losing, they need to lay out a new plan of action and get their head together. If a person is winning, they need to relish the thought of their success, but not too much because it could all blow up in their face, and the other team could win. A relationship is a game. I recognize it, but I’m not accepting it. No one should accept the fact that any type of relationship is a game. This is your public address system telling you to put the board game away and stop keeping score, because when you stop keeping score, the coach will put you back in the game. When you get back in the game, don’t feel discouraged because this one is going to be the World Series; I can feel it. Halftime is the best time of the game. Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, once said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. … believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference.” Jobs is right, listen to him. You need to apply this to all relationships; no one is going to do anything for you. I would love to tell you to trust no one but yourself and those closest to you, but sometimes even the people you think are the closest to you … well, they just suck at this game too, as you know. Don’t dwell on the past. Create a box of their crap and burn it – not that it never meant anything or that it doesn’t still – but the hurt needs to stop. Get over it. Remind yourself: you’re strong enough to do anything, you have been through a lot and if someone is going to be a jerk and not recognize that, then that’s just too damn bad. It’s their fault, not yours. You lost them because they decided to not put their whole heart into anything anymore; it’s their loss. And never forget, in reference to my girl Marilyn Monroe, we don’t get regards, we give them. Promise? Promise.