Cassilo: ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and on the TV …

David Cassilo

December is always a time of excitement. The last month of the year brings all sorts of fun to the table. Anticipation grows by the day. To eliminate the down time leading up to the big day, I find myself watching a lot of TV. Mostly this consisted of Christmas movies and the NFL. Considering myself an expert on both, I feel as though it is time to take this year’s crop of NFL teams and players and find out which Christmas movie they relate to the closest.

“The Santa Clause” – Randy Moss

The basic plot of “The Santa Clause” is that a man who is down on his luck benefits from a freak accident and not only gets the perfect job but also saves his reputation. That accurately sums up the last few months in the life of Randy Moss. A year ago he was labeled a malcontent within the NFL. Today, he’s having the best year of his career on the only undefeated team in football. While one may worry what they would find in his sack, Randy Moss would be the perfect choice for “The Santa Clause 4.”

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” –

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Tim Burton’s holiday classic is ugly and hard to watch at times but, when all is said and done, is a pretty solid holiday film. I feel the same way when I watch the Buccaneers. Looking at the team, my initial reaction is that Tampa Bay could not even beat Notre Dame, but somehow, some way, this team finds a way to win.

“Fred Claus” – Eli Manning

What’s tougher, being the brother of Santa Claus or being the brother of Peyton Manning? When you break it down, it may be too close to call. Both are the best at their job and loved by everyone, and both can be seen on TV every five seconds in the month of December. With almost impossible footsteps to follow, Eli and Fred really never stood a chance.

“Jingle All the Way” –

Cincinnati Bengals

“Jingle All The Way” is my favorite bad holiday movie of all time. Come on, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad in the same movie! No matter how much of a train wreck this movie is, I always try to give it a chance. However, the movie is never as good as I remember it being and leaves me disappointed. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your 2007 Cincinnati Bengals team. On a side note, what ever happened to Sinbad? After this, “First Kid” and “Houseguest,” he completely fell off the face of the earth.

“Miracle on 34th Street” –

Green Bay Packers

The classic Santa-Claus-makes-believers-out-of-all-of-us-story. This movie is the Green Bay Packers. Everyone at the beginning of the season saw the Packers were winning, but there was always some sort of doubt about how long it could last. Then, after ripping off 10 wins in their first 11 games, everyone is a believer. Also, at this point would anyone be totally shocked if we found out Brett Favre was Santa Claus? I feel like the answer is no.

“Home Alone” – Derek Anderson

Anyone who has seen this movie remembers the scene where Kevin’s mother suddenly realizes they left him at home and yells his name in complete horror and panic. I imagine that a similar sequence of events took place when Browns fans sat through their first game and realized that after only one week they were resorting to backup Derek Anderson. However, just like Kevin McCallister, Anderson has managed to miraculously get in and out of trouble while writing an unlikely story. Hopefully though, Anderson will not turn into the Macaulay Culkin of the NFL, and will instead have a long and successful career.

“A Christmas Story” – Detroit Lions

Ralphie Parker wanted a BB gun. The Detroit Lions wanted to make the playoffs. Ralphie Parker had an insane father that seemed to ruin his life. The Detroit Lions have Matt Millen. When Ralphie Parker finally got his BB gun, he shot himself in the glasses. When the Detroit Lions finally got in position to make the playoffs, they lost four straight.

“It’s a Wonderful Life” –

New England Patriots

Is there really a better match than the Patriots and this timeless holiday classic? The Patriots do have a wonderful life. No, Tom Brady and crew were not shown how good they have it by seeing what the world would be like if they were dead. The Patriots do not need to do this because they know as long as they keep winning, they may soon become more remembered than the film that has been around over 60 years.


David Cassilo is a sophomore communication major from Chatham, N.J. He can be reached at [email protected]