I have been dating my girlfriend for the past three years, and our relationship has been progressing. I enjoy spending time with her and have gotten to know her a lot over the past years. However, there is one thing that bothers me. This guy that she used to date tends to drunk dial her. It bothers me a lot, and she knows that, but it makes her think that lying to me about it would help the situation, when in reality it just annoys me even more. How should I handle this situation?
Tough to Trust
Dear Tough to Trust,
If you are going to put up with this, you have lost yourself and entered the state of insanity. I mean, you have been seriously dating for the past three years, and you mean to tell me that you have not had an intense conversation about how you’re really dating her and the past boyfriend? Seriously, this sounds like a complicated dating triangle. It’s one thing if the two of them don’t have closure or have not truly fixed the problem. At that point you need to have a little chat that I like to call reevaluation 101. Sit down and talk to her about what is really going on. Because let’s be honest, if you don’t communicate, your whole relationship from this point on is going to be a lie, and you’re going to be the bad guy in the end for some reason I don’t know. Besides, you don’t want to get involved with someone who is technically already “involved” with someone else – even if it was three years ago. But, let’s just explore a thought for a minute. If he is drunk dialing her, there has to be a reason. Why would he think that it is okay to just call her after he had been drinking? I believe that when people are influenced by alcohol, they tend to tell the truth. Whether it be about something that happened with an ex-girlfriend three years prior or something that happened this past week. What I am trying to say is that she must have given some indication to him that it is okay for him to be calling her. I wonder if they talk regularly during the week and you just might not know about it yet. Possible? Anything is.
The part that really gets me is the fact that she lied about it. Why do you think she needed to lie? It is possible that she really thought she would be saving you from getting hurt, but really? I mean, the next thing we know it’s going to be like the episode of “Sex and the City” where Samantha asks Carrie what she is going to do about explaining Big to Aidan. Only for Carrie to respond that she will have to unless they make a Hallmark card that says “Sorry I cheated!” Cheater? It’s not my place to comment. I don’t like liars, and neither should you!
Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Yes, that is correct, happiness. You’re entitled to it. I know it’s a crazy concept but really go ahead and take a hold of it. Your life will be a whole lot less complicated. Sure, everyone likes a little drama, but no one ever deserves past lovers interfering with new relationships. Tell her that she needs to take some time to think about and review her current situation. In reality, the whole situation depends on their personal relationship. How deep was it? How intense was the breakup? Are they really over it? More importantly: is she really over it? Because if she isn’t, I say go on a break and let her figure out her life. Until then, take messages and don’t pick up the phone.