Tina Lamsback

Dear WiseCat,

I have been dating my boyfriend for a while now and have recently been finding it hard to balance my boyfriend time with my friend time. I always love going out with the girls for dinner, the movies or going out to a party. I feel bad sometimes that I do not invite him to come with me, even though he hangs out with his own friends, too. What should I do about this? Should I invite my boyfriend to girl’s night? Or is that completely reserved for just us girls?


A Girl Who Just Wants To

Have Fun

Dear A Girl Who Just Wants To Have Fun,

I believe Ashlee Simpson says it best in her song “L.O.V.E.”: “You will be my girls for life.” Then the Spice Girls speak of “getting with their friends,” talking about getting to know the people their significant other hangs out with, in that endless hit “Wannabe.” What is this supposed to mean? Does this mean that girls should only be friends with their group and not mix outside of “girl time”? Or is it okay to mix all the time?

It is great to have a time when girls can just be girls. Time to be silly. Time to overanalyze. Time to talk about the boy who sits next to them in class and really catches their eye. Just because you’re taken doesn’t mean you can’t look! And this goes for boys too. They need to play those video games, blast that raging music, lounge around and do some homework. Everyone needs to spend time apart sometimes, but when it is designated girls night, that means it’s a no-no to bring in the bf.

In the past decade, we have had various popular music from Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Destiny’s Child and the Spice Girls all talk about “Girl Power” – or in this case, the power of friends. Friends, whether they are girls or boys, are a great staple in your life or anyone’s for that matter. There are some topics that are better left for just you and your girls, especially in the early stages in your relationship. It is great to go out to the movies, to the mall or even just to gossip while getting coffee. Even though these times should be able to include both best friends and significant others, there are just sometimes you should reserve for your girls when you need to gab.

It is great to know that you and your boyfriend can both have time for your own separate friends. However, it is also good to intermix the relationships and get to know his best friends and he yours. You should not feel obligated to bring him everywhere. And, let’s be honest, every girl knows his secret: he doesn’t want to go with you everywhere. Sometimes, like you, he too enjoys his alone time.

Solution: reserve your overanalyzing skills for your group of girls. If he says he doesn’t mind hanging out with his friends without you, believe him. Not that you need a break from each other, but sometimes you just need a girls night out!