Dear WiseCat,

I have been really close romantically with this girl for a long time – all throughout high school and still to this day. Since we’ve been at college, she’s gone her separate way and dated other men, but after college, we might reconnect. Should the past be left in the past, or is rekindling an old flame just a saying?

Sincerely,

The Past

Dear The Past,

I was seated in my Communication and Conflict class the other day when my teacher started discussing velocities of relationships. My professor explained that each person has a certain velocity. By saying that each person in the world has one type of velocity in respect to relationships throughout their lifetime, he was sure to explain that even though the velocity is present, it does not mean that the path of the velocity is ever definite.

Definite? Please – at this point lets save ourselves time and tap into the obvious. Remember that movie “The American President”? In the movie, the characters Lewis Rothschild and Robin McCall create an endearing kind of banter. It goes as follows:

Rothschild: “I tell any girl I’m going out with to assume that all plans are soft until she receives confirmation 30 minutes beforehand.”

McCall: “And they find this romantic?”

Rothschild: “Well, I say it with a great deal of charm.”

As you can see, nothing is definite. Lewis’s reassures not only men but women that nothing in life is definite when it comes to dating. I suppose that’s where the excitement comes in, doesn’t it? Or maybe it’s just one big game that we want to opt out of and take a red card, right Coach? “I’m not ready to play today,” we say when it comes to a difficult situation. So, what is it that helps us muster the courage to rekindle an old flame when our actual fear is that nothing in the world is definite? Nothing about this situation can guarantee us a positive outcome.

We rely on hope. As the quote commonly attributed to Tupac Shakur goes, “You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months overanalyzing a situation trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, should’ve, would’ve happened. Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.” However, no one really ever leaves the pieces on the floor.

Let’s be honest, in this situation, the floor is just the barricade that you built between the pieces and your actual hope of what might happen – your emotions. Take your hope and make it a reality. You will never know if the flame could be rekindled one more time if you never take out the matches. Don’t let these feelings go to waste. Check out what might occur. Don’t let her get away if you feel strongly about this relationship – no one ever likes being that girl.