Dear WiseCat,

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past three years. Since graduation is quickly approaching, we have started to talk about our future together. We have both decided that our jobs and life paths will bring us to the same city. Do you think it would be a good idea to move in together?

Sincerely,

Big City Big Dreams

Dear Big City Big Dreams,

Katherine Hepburn said, “Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything.”

Think about what Katherine Hepburn says. Apply it to your situation, and weigh your options. All too often, people think that moving in together is the worst thing that could ever happen to a couple before they establish themselves. Let’s be honest; you are currently in college and college relationships – whether they are friendships or romantic relationships – tend to speed up in the current situation. This is because you are together a good portion of the time. I’m not saying you’re spending every waking hour together. I am merely saying that college is posing as a small glimpse of what it might be like living with that person. Since you do see each other a good portion of the time, you are able to see some of the quirks or things that possibly might annoy you.

Right now, you might want to ask yourself what stage of the relationship you are in. Do you see a future with this person? After three years, do you feel you need a break or some independence? Or more importantly, will your job take up more of your time than the one you love? All of these questions will help you evaluate the current situation and how you might want to take further steps with your significant other.

You first have to consider what you want to do and then discuss the situation with your significant other. This situation sounds a little bit selfish, but you have to know what you want first. If you do not have an idea of what you want to do before you talk with your significant other, then it might just end up in an argument or hurt feelings. Either way, this subject will be touchy, so make sure you procede with caution. Sit your boyfriend down and have a calm conversation about what the both of you want to do with your future.

In the end, remember love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get. You should never expect anything based on the weight of your love. You should only rate love on what you are expecting to give – which should be your everything. Either way if it ends up that you decide not to live with your significant other, that doesn’t mean you’re not giving anything. It just means that you’re not ready, and that is OK.