Dear WiseCat,

I have been interested in this girl for the past couple of months. Every now and then we will hang out with my friends for lunch. But recently when I have called her, she asks if I will be alone. Once I say that I will be, she shows up with her friends. Is this her way of trying to tell me she doesn’t want to go any farther with the relationship?

Sincerely,

We Need To Talk

Dear We Need To Talk,

When I was a younger, I always loved to curl up on the sofa on Wednesday nights and watch my favorite show, “Dawson’s Creek.” There was always some type of drama occurring between family, friends and even lovers. Each week I would jump into the life of the teens who weren’t all that similar to me, or were they? Looking back at various episodes, it has become more clear to me the issues that the Capeside characters tackled each week are connected to all of our lives. One of my favorite scenes is in the episode when former boyfriend and girlfriend, Andy and Pacey, converse about Pacey expressing interest in another girl. The conversation goes as follows:

Pacey: “She already knows how I feel.”

Andy: “I mean have you really told her Pacey? You can’t just leave without letting her know. I mean that’s not like you … You just don’t stand and let things happen. You don’t run away either. You have to tell her that you love her, and you have to try and get her back. Because if you don’t I promise you … you will regret it.”

Pacey: “Maybe.”

Andy: “No, Pacey. You will.”

Now, although this quote shows that Pacey wants to get his girl back, it also can be used to tell someone that they are interested in another person.

My thought process here is that maybe your friend is nervous; maybe she doesn’t understand the fact that you actually are interested in her. Because she does not know this 100 percent, she opts out and calls on her safety net – her friends. Here’s a clue: “The friends” are the safety net that stand in for her to be buffers between you and your newfound love.

Congratulations, you have just entered round one in girl world: the friend test. Your love interest is unsure that you are fully into her and therefore puts you through round one in order make sure that whatever she feels is right. So, if she likes you, her friends are trying to read whether you like her or not. Now, if she doesn’t like you, then her friends are there to make sure the transition from interest to friend is easier for both of you. Fair? Please, boys are not an exception to the rule.

Basically, you need to locate your inner Pacey – the one who feels it is important to tell her how you feel. Follow the advice that Andy gives him, and express your interest. Wipe out the thoughts of others.

If you really want to go farther in this relationship, whether it is romantic or purely as friends, you’re going to have to talk. It’s hard, but it’s about time. You don’t want to let it go because if you do, you might lose someone special. FYI: Girls hold grudges if you pretend that something doesn’t matter. However, they also love to talk, so if you tell her how you feel, she might not agree with you, but she will be willing to listen. So, take my advice: Give her a call, and tell her, “We need to talk.”